ii · cOuld · neva · turn · my · cheek · && · call · yOu · a · stranga<33

You're everything I want. Everything I need. Everything to keep me alive. Everything to make this world seem alright.
But I feel like such a fool. Giving my heart up so easily to you. I wanna show you that love lasts forever.
I wanna spend it all with you. But so much is goin on. Don't know how to spend the time right. I don't wanna say goodbye to you, but maybe it's better that i do.
I just want you to hold my hand. Kiss me goodnight. Say you'll always be there when things aren't right.
Forget about the fools that want us broken. We can make it happen.
Tell me the words I wanna hear from you && we'll call it a night.


.....yea don't ask.



ANYWAYS >>>>>>>>....<<<<<<<<<

come on baby, we aint gonna live forever
lemme show you the things that we could do
i know you want to be together
&& ii wanna spend the night with you.




ANYWAYS AGAIN..............


Yeah you know what i was thinking. Compared to certain people I haven't slept with many. Come on now there are worse people in the world. Like if you want to add up all the guys..they're separated in a course of 2 years..and honestly yeah i fuck up sometimes, but i'm only human. I'm just like the next person. So, don't fucking judge me. I AM A GOOD PERSON. MY HEART IS BIG AND YAAAA KNOW WHAT what i know truely is all that matters. ya`ll can think what you want. I'm not the only one. sOo yea. You don't know me..lets keep it that way. and the people that do know me. you should know i'm not a bad person. so yea thats all i gotta say. mhm. okies buh byes.

*::·.BeCky <33

My thoughts are running through my head..

dark secrets. memories. Everything && nothing in between

what do you do when you know you've done things wrong in your life..

yet..the next chance you get. you do it all again.

I guess I haven't learned from my mistakes just yet...

All day I thought about something important today. And I'm just worried that it didn't go well. And I hope he's okay, and that he didn't get introuble, I did something for the first time in years...

 

I actually prayed today. I never pray

. I've never really had a strong religion. I mean I've never gone to church every sunday, and stuff like that, but....I actually prayed today. And I hope god heard my prayers..otherwise I'm gonna be one pissed off female. And when I'm pissed off it's not funny. If today didn't go well...I know my prayers weren't answered. That's why I stopped a long time ago. It's funny...I used to go to a catholic school for a good amount of years. And I believe in nothing of it. A part of me does, but then I'm just mostly full of doubt. Nothing good really came out of my prayers. Or maybe I'm just praying wrong or something. How do you pray? I ask god to watch over him, and everyone I love, and it seems as though he doesn't hear me. If he is real..I wish he could talk back. Because I would love to have a little guidance right now. I never thought I would be one of the lost ones, but I am. I don't know where to be found. I don't know where to begin, or where to end. I don't know when the end is the beginning of something new. I don't know what to do anymore. At one time I thought I knew so much. But I was just full of myself. I thought I knew how to make things better, but it turns out I just knew how to make things worse in the long run. I always lectured to do the right thing too..Yet i'm one of many who fucks up just as much as the next person. Yeah, because I'm human right? What is it with me, and the shit I do. I know in my heart i'm not a bad person. I just do the most stupid things. And at the time I don't care. But then a few minutes go by, and I feel like such an asshole. Like I don't deserve to be walking on this planet. And then I feel so..There aren't really any words to say. And then I do it again eventually. Why? I ask myself. Give me answers to why I do this to myself, and to everyone else around me...But no one knows. Hardly.

People say I'm such a sweet hearted person. Couldn't hurt a fly. But the funny thing is. I hate bugs. (Even though that is an expression) Like I said I know I have a good heart. But at the same time selfish. For so long all i've been wanting. All i've been craving is that. And when it comes I don't turn away. Inside my conscious is screaming at me. Telling me to back away. To look away. Don't keep going, but yet I do. I can't stop myself. And then it's over. And then again I ask myself why did I do this to myself? Why am I doing this to the people I love? What would they do if they knew. They would see me differently. A traitor. A fake. When I know I'm not. I'm just poisoned. If that's a way to explain things. But I just don't know how to make it stop. Not for myself anyways. I feel numb whenever it happens. I could be worse, but i'm too picky for that. And then I wonder why I am alone. I wonder what went wrong. What it is that brings me to that point. Is it an addiction? Well, everything in life is addicting if you think about it. And Nothing is perfect. There is no such thing. There will never be a such thing.

But right now. all I can think about is that one thing. And I know he wont ever bring me down..

I'm begging. Don't bring me down